A common complaint we get here at the Speed Hero Laboratory is that our visitors often have holes in their pants. Located at the front and sometimes the back, near the bottom of the pockets are holes scorched through the fabric.
Curious to some, but Speed Hero knows all to well the solution. Simple as it may be, the money sitting in ones pocket causes so much friction when the body rapidly shifts back and forth both from constant manjiing of major 400 series highways, as well as running from the car to the computer to check the latest updates. This results in fire, and in some cases, awkward moments where you think someone is hitting on you, by pointing to your crotch and saying “En Fuego” but really they are just trying to be nice and check your awareness of burning pants.
After months of research, testing, donut consuming, ignoring phone calls, and slapping each other with rulers, our scientists came up with a fool proof solution. Stickers and other pointless crap to exchange in removing the hazardous metals and papers from your pockets. Designed to be of equal value to the money in these pockets our studies showed that the recipients of these products were actually much happier with the products than the awkward, uncomfortable, heavy, and dangerous currency.
To view our solutions, follow: these easy steps!!!
3 thoughts on “New Shit to Blow your Cash on!”
Buy our stuff! We worked tens of minutes on that! TENS.
Zero Markup to help make things cheaper for speed hero lovers!
Hey Quin, do you get any money from the sticker and shirt sales?
You know to pay for hosting/awsome?
Or is it just the other companay keeping all our hard earned pocket fires?