Phase two begins. Long ago, in a distant past where many moons were fighting over who was king, an idea was born in the myst of the mountains. Sending off a weak signal in search of heros around the world, I happened to be struck while fishing a piece of bacon out of the toaster with a fork. Since then I’ve known what I have to do, create a vessel for people to enjoy car culture, challenge their assumed responsibilities, and realize life is pointless and meaningless. Sped Hero was born, but realizing that I had made a spelling mistake and it hilariously alluded that I was in Special Education, I added another letter to create Speed Hero! So it began, a group of Ontarians stuck in a pit of straight roads, strict laws, and the horrible feeling of a scratch you can never itch. We began challenging local law and convention with an RX7, and other cars, slow spreading the gospel of Speed Hero. Soon people began shaking our hands at meets, emails from all corners of the world, and serious local recognition. The core has always been the same, have fun on the cheap by maximizing resources through networking of friends in-exchange for improving their cars and car lives. Sometimes we are able to help grow and expand your world, other times, we are able to help smash your car to bits, either way, the focus is fun.
Phase one is now complete, the ability to expand further in Ontario had reached it’s maximum: Snow, rust, insurance costs, heavy fines, red tape, and a serious lack of focus and manliness, AKA the lack of faith in fun and experiencing, first hand. James left, he got up some much bigger balls than I, saved his simolians and flew across the country. I on the other hand, was a vagina of mega proportions, unable to create income because of my mental illness, but also, unable to grab those fears and concur them. Well, I did it, Robin and I hopped in a free ’91 Tercel I found on Kijiji, and hauled ass across Canada. I had always said if I was going to go out that I’d drive the entire way on the Trans Canada Highway. People warned us, scolded us, family and friends: “Your going to die out there, there is: Snow, Deer, Moose, Trucks, Turns in the Road, No gas, Falling Rocks, Drunk Drivers, Sleepless nights, Rapists, Blind People with Guns, Nuclear Bombs left freely in the road,” and of course, “falling off the turtles back.” The car was a rare 1991 Toyota Tercel type S. the best way I can put it is, if you walked into Toyota in 1991 and told them you live on government cheese, they would seriously consider letting you buy a Type S. No stereo, just a plate that says “Tercel”, no tilt steering, just man up and hold on, no door trim, too expensive, no passenger mirror since your probably a laborer so you are flexible, or, your disabled and don’t care if you die. Hell, the car doesn’t come with a tach, or over drive, just 4 speed manual of awesome.Want to open the trunk or gas door? Use the key since there is no pop releases.
Armed with a huge bottle of oil, we secured our selves down in the Sparco Sprint Junior seats I acquired from Brent, for the trip out. We had spent a week weening each others stash of memorables down to a few small items in the car. A couple bag of clothes, a pile of tools, a sewing machine, 2 computers, an xbox was what wandered into the car. Selling my AE86’s was tough, simply because I didn’t pay money for them, but in order to start phase 2, I needed cash, something that still makes me sick. The rotarolla was worth way more sentimental value than cramming it into the back of a van and forcing the doors closed behind it, but alas, Ethan who had purchased it had very much earned his right to give me $250, a 3 ton jack, some timbits, and a sawzall. Ethan was the only person in the world, to have believed enough in my Speed Hero rim project to man up and send a money order for $800us sight unseen. The black SR5 oddly enough went to the one armed man…Seriously. Kurt from DK hooked me up with him, a small fellow with no legs and one arm. He apparently runs a shop in Toronto building Hondas. I was impressed when he hopped into the car equipped with his artificial legs and bombed around the block with no power steering, returned and handed me a wad of cash.
We were off, the warning heeded, we began what we thought would be the annoying part of our trek North…EAST! To clear the great lakes we had to actually head East for large parts of the first leg of out trip. Working our way Towards “the Jerks” house, CRX O’Brian Motorsport Fiberglass overfender kit strapped to the roof. At the time we had no idea that there were only 4 known sets in existence, all documented, and here was a 5th set on the roof of our car. Annoyingly the straps holding them onto the car were vibrating so loud when traveling over 100km/h that you couldn’t speak to each other in the car. We pulled over for gas and some duct tape, (I didn’t know I had some in the car already. durp) and the gas station attendant, who although very nice, I couldn’t tell what gender they originated as, swore at me for informing them that we were moving to the very city they left and miss dearly. Oddly I taped the fenders,but the problem wasn’t solved. Hungry and slightly annoyed, we stopped at our only McDaggles meal of the trip. Parking beside the snow bank I crawled out of the Sparco and began adding more tape to the straps. Suddenly a snow plow runs into the light post beside us, clearing his own parking space. He hopes out with knife and tape in his hand, and begins aiding my vibration reduction. Disappearing into the restaurant, he returns with coffee in hand to claim his tape, and before hopping back into his plow he proclaims “You never know what you’ll find in the woods!”.
Snow was abundant in Northern Ontario, the roads slippery, oddly I had lied to my mom when I said we had snow tires on the car. The hand brake was used gingerly at times, although I think it has a soul? Northern Ontario is beautiful if it’s your first time seeing it, and the small towns are great little stops of randomly bad and or good food. We reached Brians place at 1am, and was greeted by a scraggly cat and short Nigel. We stayed up, chatting about the internet and cars. In the morning Nigel prepared us some wonderful waffles and some sandwiches for our journey before we left off. Echo happened to find said sandwiches and reports that they were very tasty. Brian however, was working the entire time, sadly we didn’t get to stick around and meet him. We escaped, proceeded to Thunder Bay that evening to sleep in a motel with 3 channels, two of which were the same; Pee Wee Hermans adult comedy club show was pretty interesting and had some risky adult undertones. Previously that night, a Toyota tundra and I had a 2 hour Battle through the windy northern roads, the poor tercel was so heavy, yet still decent through the corners. The next day, Robin was to drive, she did about 7.5 hours of the driving in the trip, which shouldn’t be judged since she has no license and very little instruction behind the wheel. Only one ditch rescue was needed!
MANITOBA! We finally got out of Ontario, a feat of epic proportions. The line we crossed was a one way valve, and there we were in the province with the native name for Man with two boobs. Cold and having to pee, we snuck foot to Brandon Manitoba to meet up with Matt, Heather, and Carter, to chat about CRX’s, corollas and the lack of local motorsports. Matt whipped out a copy of Mystery Science Theatre 3000!!! Fuck yeah, as Robin had never seen it, we munched on Pizza, talked about cars, and made fun of a movie about making fun of movies. To be honest, this was the middle point of our trip, but unlike the warnings given, the trip was smooth sailing, and great weather. Matt extremely happy with the CRX fenders got into his sleuthing mode and began digging away for information on his new acquisition while Robin, Echo and I got “on the road again” only stopping along the way for some delicious Humptys.
Saskrapawan. That is all.
Hurray Alberta! For me this was the odd leg of the trip. Two gallons of oil had been injected into the tercel only to become additive to the air behind us. There really was a disappointing lack of cowboy hats as we crossed into the meat filled province. The prairies seemed to overlap into Alberta slightly, as we hit the thickest fog in history just after passing the giant Tee Pee in Medicine Hat. Luckily the GPS showed no bends in the road ahead as I focused on the white fluff in front of us for a red glow at 140km/h untill we reached his house. Him? Well my father. I had never met him before in my life. My mother and I since I was born grew together, just the two of us, and here I am now, 25 years of age, parked in front of the second half of the insemination process. I sat there for half an hour, just running through the scenarios in my brain until my testicles crawled out of their hidey hole and began to steer this vessel. Marty Nordstrom was a decent guy, nice house, nice wife, and surprise, I have 3 siblings and a niece….wow. We stayed there for a day to catch up and moved on, only after a tour of down town Calgary, avoiding all the pickup trucks filled with women drivers.
Here comes the mountains! *insert Musical Montage*
We rolled hard till we got to Dave’s place. For the third time on the trip Robin had to stay awake, windows down, music blasting, giving me head rubs to keep me awake to finish the journey. The roads? Amazing. The mountains? Breath taking. If your sitting at home, wanting to see them, don’t wait, just fly out, even for an afternoon of gazing. Stick your thumb out twice. Once for the ride west through the mountains, and once for the ride back, then fly home if you just don’t have the time to stick around and try out the gondola in Banff. The helpful gas attendant, through his surfer slang, surprised me when I paid for our gas, as he didn’t suggestively nudge the “Donation to the snow gods” cup, complete with drawing of a border carving down a mountain. I had no change to give, since I gave my nickel to some scammers in Manitoba as an insult. Dave was a rad dude, him and his wife and their friends hung out with us all evening making horrible jokes and offending, or confusing their home schooled daughters. Peaking out behind the window in the morning was a TE70, and a TE27. Radical!
Vancouver awaited us, 4 gallons of oil consumed, a bag of Tripple O’s, and a Seamus waiting for us in his sweet MA60 filled garage. We bombed down to the park, were an impromptu Dorikaze Meet had gathered. Phase 2 had begun unofficially, as I got to meet a small sample of my new found friends in the Corolla world as a welcome to this side of continent! There were some laughs, Pho and sticker exchange. Sadly we didn’t have time to stick around for go-karts, as Robin an I rushed to meet the floating city called a BC Ferry. I had some time to wander around the cold steel barge while winding through thoughts of all the great people I had met along the way. All new friends and all so helpful, understanding and trusting. It goes to show you that Dorikaze is my family. Feel free to contact me with any of your needs, anything!
Victoria is the beginning of Phase 2. More on this later. mwhahahahaha.