Depression does weird things. My morals and view points on the value of life have changed so dramatically in the past few years. I now believe that no one has any real value, there is no real true meaning to life, there is no one true god/any at all, blah blah blah Nihilism to the extreme. It’s truly how I feel, which is frustrating, but how? I don’t generally find many things fun anymore. The idea of building and owning a car isn’t exciting really, and it shows in my racecar sitting for months. Sure it’d be fun to drive it on the track, but maybe only the kind of fun I’d have riding kids bikes in the sports section at Walmart.
In any case, I just feel different now, I hate it. I miss feeling how I used to feel. In any case, my creative side always seems to want to creep out, past my congestion of logic clogging most of my impulses of action. While hiding from the world in my basement room, I seem to find a little bit of joy painting in Solidworks.
For whatever reason, this program, that’s highly technical, seems to be the best tool for my nontechnical creativity. I draw wheels when I can. Hopefully, my unregulated sub-conscious can sneak round the guards of logic at quiet times and design a few things so that hopefully I may have a portfolio of cool shit that will one day land me some security of finance. This comfort might allow my infinite loop feed of negative logic to relax and I may enjoy life again, at least a bit more.
Here’s the wheel designs thus far.